Read the full essay that my students and I wrote for the ‘festivals’ question below. Can you highlight the features that help this essay to get a band 9? To what extent do you essay on sunday holiday or disagree with this opinion?
Some people argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of festivals, and that most of us treat them as opportunities to have fun. IELTS Writing Task 2: festivals essay – ielts-simon. While I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that people have forgotten what these festivals mean. On the one hand, religious and traditional festivals have certainly become times for celebration. In the UK, Christmas is a good example of a festival period when people are most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes and enjoying traditional meals with their families.
Most people look forward to Christmas as a holiday period, rather than a time to practise religion. Similar behaviour can be seen during non-religious festivals, such as Bonfire Night. However, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of such festivals has been forgotten. In UK primary schools, children learn in detail about the religious reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of festivals in other religions. For example, in late December, children sing Christmas songs which have a religious content, and they may even perform nativity plays telling the story of Jesus’ birth.
Families also play a role in passing knowledge of religious festivals’ deeper significance on to the next generation. The same is true for festivals that have a historical background, such as Bonfire Night or Halloween, in the sense that people generally learn the stories behind these occasions at an early age. In conclusion, although people mainly want to enjoy themselves during festivals, I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations. You have made my mind clear about this topic that came to me so difficult beforehand.
THAT’S IT, I THINK ALL ABOVE SENTENCES. Thank you for sharing Band 9 exemplary essays on your site. I think that this essay is well written due to its strong arguments, specific examples and clear, organised format. The vocabulary is rich and there is no grammar errors, at least not that i am aware off. It’s good to see people making vocabulary lists from one of my essays! I’ll write my own list of “less common” phrases from the above essay, and I’ll share it in this Sunday’s blog lesson.
Or if we support that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages,we can present the ideas of advantages in the whole essay and provide the conclusion ? First of all, I have to say that this essay was well written with clear point, relevant vocabulary and outstanding structure. That is the reasons of its remarkable high score, a band 9. About the vocabulary, I find various helpful words and phrases related to festivals such as original meaning, time for celebrations, occasion, religious content, nativity plays and so on. About the structure, He used proper linking words and phrases. For example, on the other hand, in other words, however and in conclusion for starting, conveying and briefing his ideas. Moreover, examples for explaining further those ideas were also delivered smoothly by using “a good example”, “similar behaviour” and “the same is true for”.
Thank you for this helpful essay. INTRODUCTION – The main topic was clearly presented through thesis statement and the same is true for the argument discussion. BODY – There are TWO views that were presented. In the second paragraph, which is the first argument, the main topic sentence is introduced and followed up with an example and then a supporting sentence was made to further elaborate the example of the main topic sentence. This has similar behavior with the third paragraph, which presents the second argument. However, the style in presenting the argument was different.